I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
