no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
