Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
