you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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