The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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