When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
