It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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