look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
