i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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