I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
