He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
