I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
