Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
honey bunches of taint.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
