What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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