It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
