I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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