wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
