You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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