Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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