But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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