I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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