Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
