I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
