Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
