actually, I'm a sock model
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
