"it" just moved
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
