maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
