Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
