What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
