That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
