I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize