I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
