smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
