Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize