There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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