Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
