Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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