You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
