Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
