There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My boob is missing a layer of skin
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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