I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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