your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
