plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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