I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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