how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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