I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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