I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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