Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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