still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
