Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
