when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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