i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
