Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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