sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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