Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
