I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
