i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
