somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
