who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
