At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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