Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize