IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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