I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
