okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
