The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
