I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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