he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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