i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You took a bar mat shot.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
