I love black thongs
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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