ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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