it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
