She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
