i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
