I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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