My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
