Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
